The beach was absolutely beautiful today. I was watching a most magnificent sunset.
The crashing waves had formed the beach into a steep berm. So steep you could hang your legs over. A mother was running around getting as much video of her absolutely adorable girls running from the waves. You could hear their anticipation build as they chased the receding waves back to see, only to burst into screaming laughter as the next wave gave chase as it crashed. A young girl was leaning back into her boyfriend’s lap and warming embrace. They laughed watching the girls taunt the waves. Very well could have been the moment they decided to one day have their own and bring them to this very spot.
And do you know what intruding thoughts I had to wrestle these moments back from? The typical stuff. What time is it? Where am I supposed to be? Why am I not being productive? Etc. Etc.
I DON’T CARE!!!!!
I looked it up. There is no law. You can say this to absolutely anything. None of us are under any obligation to care about anything. So why does it never seem that way?
If I had screamed out loud “I DON’T CARE” as loud as I screamed in my head, it would have stopped the waves. I don’t care. Nobody’s beating heart was going to stop if I just sat there and took pictures of this sunset.
I have unthinkably ambitious goals for my time in California. But I don’t care. Does that make any sense?
I put shots on goal every single day, but it’s not my favorite part. I am absolutely in love with every second of my life. The goals I set just inform my day. They do not control it anymore. If I achieved every single goal I have ever set for myself. If was content with a life well lived spent doing wonderful things with amazing people, do you know what I would do with my remaining time? I would sit on the beach soaking up sunsets watching people in love holding each other with eyes reflecting sunshine while listening to children laugh their hearts out petting other people’s dogs!!!
So I do not care.
I don’t care if I get cut off in traffic. I don’t care if have unproductive days. I don’t care…
I don’t know who needs to hear this but not caring is the real self-care. Every time we choose our peace over the illusory fight against personal slights, we look younger. Every time we choose peace over the trauma response that is the compulsion towards productivity a wrinkle goes away. Every time we permit ourselves to not care about things we do not actually care about, we preserve the opportunity to use that time for things we actually DO care about.
I saw this today. I liked it. I stoled it. (dm me for credit).
I defended my attention and allowed myself to enjoy a mystical moment.
I highly recommend training the brain to sense when happy moments get ambushed by anxiety in any form and defend joy at all costs.
*as always the disclaimer that this was not proofread so please forgive any errors.